


Letters For My Farmboy

by AnananaSensei



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 11:32:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18940066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnananaSensei/pseuds/AnananaSensei
Summary: After the events of KOTFE & KOTET, Empress Cyra Asola has a hard time coming to terms with the aftermath of the war along with the responsibilities tied to being empress. Unable to talk to anyone about her feelings, Cyra decides to write her long-lost husband letters, surprised at the writing's cathartic value. Eventually, Cyra realizes that the one thing she's not come to terms with was the fact she hadn't found all of her old companions, so she sets out on a mission with the two companions she had found during the war (Guss Tuno and Bowdaar) to find the rest of her lost loved ones.Author's Note: I was pretty unsatisfied with the return of Corso Riggs and Risha Drayen in the game, so I decided to write my own return.





	Letters For My Farmboy

“My dearest Farmboy, 

I’m not really sure where you are. I have no clue if your heart still beats, or if your mind still recalls my name, but if you are out there, and you better still be out there, have you heard about me? The things I’ve accomplished? I’m empress or whatever now. Empress Cyra Asola has a nice ring to it, I think. I’m not sure if I’m cut out for this sort of thing though. A part of me wants to lay back into being just Captain Cyra Asola again, but I know that I can’t do that just yet. 

I long for the days when I’m free to roam the stars again. Be my own person with my own rules and desires. Not that I wouldn’t mind doing some good now and then, but on my own terms. Maybe start a family. Have a few kids, teach ‘em how to shoot their first blaster and stand their ground when their beliefs are questioned. I wouldn’t mind living on Coruscant again, but I think I want to start off somewhere quiet. I’ve heard Naboo is nice. Maybe even go back to your home planet Ord Mantell, if the situation there has finally cooled off. I don’t know. Anywhere serene would be nice. I don’t want to raise our kids with terror etched in their veins, but I want them to know what it feels like. I want our kids to know just as much war as they know peace, because the galaxy ain’t perfect, and I am no liar. I’m sure our kids will have some greater destiny set out for them, just as we did, so raising them with the truth will set them up with the courage to fight even when times are arduous. Our kids would be something, that’s for sure. But that’s enough daydreaming. 

I miss you. I really do. I don’t even know how long it's been. I’ve lost track of the years, and if I’m going to be honest, I’m losing hope. If you’re out there, please find me soon. I’m not sure how many more days I can endure without you beside me. 

With dwindling hope but forever love,

Cyra Asola,” I signed the letter with a sigh. I knew I’d never get the chance to share what I’d written, but the therapeutic typing of my day’s rant was now a necessity to my daily routine. I had never been an open person, and, to be honest, I was pretty sure this piece of technology was the only one to know I was even suffering. 

I shut down my computer and threw it down at the end of my bed. Screams of pure agony sat in my throat desperate to come out. The feeling was unbearable, but I swallowed them, terror-stricken by my own thoughts. I didn’t know what to do. For years, not even counting those I spent in carbonite, I braved the life of The Outlander. I thought only of the lives I had to save and the movement in which I led against Zakuul. I didn’t think about myself. I refused to think about my own problems and emotional trauma during the war when there were so many others around me suffering just the same or worse. My life was never as important as those around me. 

If Corso was around, he’d for sure scold me. I’m sure he’d be proud of the things I had accomplished on my own, but he’d be furious to know I hadn’t been taking care of myself. He’d be absolutely enraged to know I’ve been locking up my feelings in a cage and leaving them there. He’d be incensed by how little I thought of myself: volunteeringly throwing my aid into dangerous missions without even a wisp of worry for the perilous reality, or rarely checking into a medcenter for the countless minor and major injuries I sustained. 

I was way above my league, and Corso would’ve hated that too. I fought with two trusty blasters, not a shining glowstick and mystical powers. Sure, I made it out alright in the end, but I was left with scars that wouldn’t ever heal. I’m not even talking the eternal ache in my abdomen where that near-fatal lightsaber wound would forever stain my peachy flesh. I’m talking the impetuous flashbacks into the past where the feeling of agony was all that I knew: remembering the seemingly countless corpses that surrounded me on all sides; waking up in a cold sweat in the dead of night, because the face of young Torian Cadera haunted me; breaking down and panicking at the thought of Valkorion’s heinous presence playing in my mind again as if it were some malleable playground for his very beck and call…I could feel my mind start to swirl.

The tears slid down my face without permission, but I didn’t try stopping them. My chest burned with the feeling of helplessness as I mourned everything and anything I thought of in the moment. I mourned the lives of my friends and fellow warriors lost in the war. I mourned Torian most of all--letting the guilt of his death eat away at the depths of my stomach. I mourned the casual, simple feeling I had before anything had ever happened. I mourned the loss of Captain Cyra Asola and her legendary crew. I mourned losing my crew...my family. I mourned the loss of their companionship and their presence on my ship. I mourned their individual ways to make me smile everyday: Corso’s punny and always loving remarks, Bowdaar’s furry (but slightly crushing) hugs, Risha’s failed attempts at trying to sound like she hates me, Akaavi’s heart-warming loyalty and blunt murderous statements, and even Guss’ never-ending lies and lack of talent. Thinking of their faces only made me cry harder, but a few softened laughs intervened as I remembered each of their charming qualities. At least I had found two of them to fill the hole in my heart. 

With perfect timing, I heard a knock on the door. 

“Come on in,” I permitted softly.

My favorite Wookie stepped into my quarters cautiously, afraid of what he might see. He told me he had heard unpleasant noises coming from my room and wanted to make sure I was okay. 

“Yeah, Bow, I’m all right,” I sniffled softly. His face believed otherwise, so I pat the spot next to me on the bed. Bowdaar sat down next to me, quietly analyzing my face with worry as he noticed the puffy, red eyes and blushed cheeks that gave away my lie. He asked me if I had been crying.

“Crying!?” I exclaimed. “A good starship captain doesn’t cry, Bowdaar, they clench their teeth and take a risky flight deep into an asteroid field for some release,” I jokingly proclaimed, my hands soaring into the heavens like a spaceship. If I hadn’t been sniffling so much, I thought the furry warrior might’ve believed me, but instead he shook his head and spoke...well, gently roared a means of comfort. 

His Wookie words roughly translated to this: “Captain, it’s okay to cry. Even warriors, like Bowdaar, cry. You are a strong and very stubborn woman, and Bowdarr and Corso and the rest of the crew like that a lot about you—but we don’t expect you to not be hurt and afraid and scarred. So, Captain, you don’t need to lie to Bowdaar. Bowdaar and the others have always wanted to be there for you as you are for us—so can Bowdaar give you a hug?” The Wookie opened his arms for an embrace and I graciously took it, melting right into his cozy fur. He patted my back lovingly, as I allowed the tears to return. Sobs rattled my body and I moaned and ached with every part of my being.

The stars only know how long I ended up wailing, but Bowdaar didn’t seem to mind. He seemed unfazed and somewhat appreciative of the vulnerability I shared with him. Before he left, he asked me if I missed my mate. I nodded slowly, wondering if he had thought I was only crying about Corso that entire time. Bowdaar then promised me that he would help me find Corso again—no matter what it took. I smiled gratefully at his promise, and then he left. 

For the first time in a long time, I had slept soundly. I woke up in the morning feeling simultaneously refreshed and emotionally drained. It was surprisingly a comforting feeling to feel so completely drained--as if the entire ocean of anxiety within me had been released in one big wave. Even though I knew that it would all come back eventually, I tried to appreciate the good feeling I forgot I could have.

In the refresher, I found myself humming a Mantellian lullaby Corso had taught me around the time we first met. That time seemed so long ago now, but somehow found a way to embrace me with warmth and hope. One day, we’d get to share that song with our kids--I just had to find Corso first. So, I continued my chorus with a new feeling--determination--and decided to give myself a new mission. 

As soon as I was moderately geared up, I flew out of my cabin in search of Bowdaar. It took a few tries, but I found him sitting in the Cantina talking to another of my former crewmates—Guss Tuno. As always, Guss was telling one of his infamous far-from-the-truth tales, but Bowdaar’s stare was wild and dazed. He believed every word, like he always did. I chuckled softly, reminiscing in the scene, and walked in their direction. 

“—and that’s how I was able to get my hands on this shiny ring!” Guss smirked proudly.

“Yeah, I don’t think so, Guss,” I intervened, eyebrows raised. 

“Oh, Captain—Captain! How good to see you! This, uh, this isn’t the same ring you gave me all those years ago—,” Guss looked down at the ring avoiding my knowing stare, “—this is a different ring that I got from an old friend, yeah, old friend,” he laughed awkwardly, knowing he was getting caught in the lie. 

“Oh, Guss, when are you going to learn?” I rolled my eyes. 

I ordered my signature drink from the bartender and sat myself between the two aliens, explaining my plan to find Corso and the others. They nodded their heads, following my ideas until I was finished.

“Captain, that sounds great and all, but we could always just contact him and the others directly,” Guss laughed. I tilted my head confused. From what I knew, there was no way to contact them. 

“What do you mean?” I asked slowly.

“I told you yesterday,” Bowdaar explained, “that I would help you find your mate.”

“R-right, but you have a way to contact him directly?” I shook my head. 

“Before we all split ways, a few months or so after you had disappeared and everything, we came up with a way to contact each other. All we have to do is set a bounty for a dead man—Skavak. Skavak is the code for ‘found the Captain, let’s meet,’” Guss explained. “Once we set the bounty, we’re supposed to meet up at Port Nowhere with you. We figured Port Nowhere would be a good meet-up place, considering our history there, and—,” he continued rambling on. His words started to stick together like thick syrup. Eventually, all I could hear was the murmured mumbling. Shock and disbelief coursed through my body. 

“You mean to tell me that the rest of my crew—MY FAMILY—has been a mere bounty away?!” I yelled furiously, interrupting Guss’ happy-go-lucky chatter. Guss grimaced, realizing the accuracy of my words. I, unfazed by the effect I had on my companions’ faces, ordered a shot and gulped it down in an angry sort of manner. The initial sting of the alcohol was numbed by the fury rising in my lungs. 

“Yeah,” Guss sighed, “I guess that is what I’m saying. I’m really sorry, Captain.”

“We thought you’d want to focus on the war, and we didn’t want to distract you,” Bowdaar added. 

The anger that bubbled in my system slowly tapered off as I realized the validity of what Bowdaar was saying. I knew he was right. Guss and Bowdaar really had my best intentions in mind and meant no harm against me. I closed my eyes and let the air expand my chest. With a heavy sigh, I released all of my worries and smiled at my friends. 

“I’m sorry I yelled at you guys. You’re right—I wouldn’t have wanted to see my friends again in the middle of an intense war. It wouldn’t have been an appropriate time to meet up, and it would have just made things more complicated. Thank you for thinking of me and for doing the right thing,” I apologized softly. 

“It’s okay, Captain,” Bowdaar grr-ed softly. “We understand.” Guss nodded his head in agreement. 

After the moment passed and the sentiment resided, I wasted no time getting to business. “So, are we setting this bounty or not?!” I proclaimed. The boys chuckled at my overly candid way of mind. 

We set the bounty on Skavak’s head, and started for my ship. I had to first alert the rest of the Eternal Alliance of my intended leave of absence. No one made any objections, for the majority had known the time to be coming; however, Lana did try sending me off with guard ships—I refused (a.k.a. begged her to reconsider). Guss and Bowdaar were plenty enough muscle for me...and I just wanted my family with me. I then grabbed the necessities from my quarters and met up with my companions at the ship. 

“Been a long time since we all travelled together like this, Captain,” Guss admitted. I agreed—the nostalgia of the moment was overwhelming.

“Well, you guys know this ship, and you know my rules, so make yourselves at home. Might be awhile before we get the signal to meet up with everybody anyway.” I climbed aboard and tried not to think too hard. It had been too long since I’d last flown my own ship, and everything felt unfamiliar. Sure, I had flown my ship since being released from carbonite, but I was too busy to seriously notice anything. Now, I was noticing everything: the stench of cleaning chemicals from when a cleaning crew had deep-cleaned my ship after it had been found, the too-perfect organization and placement of every little thing around the ship, the lack of hum coming from the once mysterious, always broken part in the engine room (I never could find what was broken, but someone obviously did, and I was still peeved I wasn’t there when it was finally fixed), and the eerie feeling of just not being mine. I dropped my things in my ships’ quarters and headed for the cockpit, plugging in the coordinates for Port Nowhere. 

“Bowdaar, Guss,” I called over the intercom, “when you’re situated, please come to the cockpit, so we can be on our way!” They arrived quickly, giddy smiles on their faces.

“What?” I questioned uneasily. 

“There’s already been three responses to our bounty, Captain. Well, actually, there was more than three—but three I think you’d like to see,” Guss handed me the screen, pointing to the three specific hits. I felt like my body was floating. 

They saw the bounty. They were alive.

“Guess that means you guys need to get buckled in,” I smirked without trying. I couldn’t believe the day was finally here. “Let’s go get our friends!” 

“Just because you have a ship, doesn’t mean they all have a ship. Weren’t you listening to me earlier?” Guss laughed. I shook my head, realizing I must’ve toned him out by then. “If things are the same as they were when we were still in close contact, Risha is the only one with her own ship. I heard things kind of went awry on her planet and she ditched ASAP—taking one good starship and a whole ton of supplies and money. I can’t recall if Corso joined her or the Peace Brigade...might’ve been the Peace Brigade. Akaavi went back to bounty hunting, so she might’ve gotten a ship, but either way—it might be a while before they can make it.”

“Good thing I could really use another drink,” I admitted, “and maybe a nap.”

“Bowdaar could use a nap,” Bowdaar agreed.

“Let’s make it to Port Nowhere, land and just take naps until the,” I made air quotes, “‘bounties’ are really to be collected. Well, maybe I’ll still get a drink, but naps first. Deal?”

One partial trip through hyperspace later and one too many hours of an attempted and failed nap, I sat up groggy. The moment I’ve been waiting for was just within my grasp, and I couldn’t sleep, I was too busy remembering all of those years’ worth of nights laying there wondering where my crew was and what I would do if I saw them again. Usually, I imagined moments of me tackling them into my arms and crying, or me making a really bad joke and them hugging me. No matter how I imagined the moment, I would still replay it in my mind over and over. When I found Bowdaar, who was the first member of my old crew I found again, I practically took the big guy down to the floor, so the stars know what I would do when I finally saw my husband again. 

With that thought in mind, I brought out my computer and started typing. I couldn’t think of a better way to pass the time. 

“My lovely husband,

This will be my last entry to you, I think, unless I’m so unlucky as to lose you again. The moment where I fling myself into your arms and kiss you desperately is finally here. Your touch that has been so forgotten can finally be relearned. Your voice that barely echoes can finally be heard. You’ll finally be here in a way that’s not just in my dreams or nightmares. 

I wonder what you’ll think of me. I have so many new scars and permanent bumps and bruises, and mentally, I’ve changed too. I’ve seen a lot, endured a lot, and suffered a lot--without you there beside me. I’m probably more like the Cyra you remember when we first met: rigid, cold, and even a little distant. I’m hoping having you back will melt me a little bit. You brought something to my life all those years ago that I can’t find anywhere else despite being excruciatingly necessary to my sanity. I wonder what not having me has been like for you. 

What are we going to do with each other when we finally have one another again? I guess that’s the real question here. I can’t just leave the Alliance now. Will you join me like you did so many years ago? Will you leave me and just come back for occasional visits? Will you end things with me? As depressing as that sounds, I guess I haven’t let myself consider the possibility of your moving on. Maybe you have a new wife and kids now or maybe a new crew or...wow, I don’t like these thoughts. It’s selfish of me to assume you’ve haven’t assumed me dead for all of those years, but I know my Corso. We’ve talked about what would happen if one of us died (even though most of the conversation was me claiming immortality and refusing to believe I could possibly die without you), and we were similar in the matter: neither of us wanted to remarry, and knowing you, you probably would stay true to that--even if it’s not the right thing for you to do. Sometimes, you’re too loyal. 

You were and are everything to me, Corso Riggs. No matter what happened with you these last several years, or what the future might have in store for us, I will always love you. You’re my favorite farmboy. My lovely, lovely farmboy. 

With excitement that cannot be contained and love that has made its stand against the tests of time,

Cyra Asola,” I signed the letter with a contented smile. I skimmed through the pages of previous letters throughout the several lonely years and laughed at the thought of what Corso would think of all these letters. He’d definitely want to read them. I sighed, falling back onto my bed with a soft thud. 

Just a little more time, I mumbled softly, before drifting off into a much desired, but short sleep. It wasn’t long after that I could hear the familiar clomping outside my door. 

“Captain,” I heard a voice whisper above me. 

“Mmmm,” I grumbled sleepily.

“We’ve arrived at Port Nowhere.” My eyes opened wide, and I shot up from my bed. Guss moved back in alarm, probably afraid I was gonna hit him for waking me up or something. 

“We’re here?” I asked, eager to confirm what was already stated. 

“Yes, Captain. We arrived moments ago.” I flew for my layers of light gear and strapped my blasters to my hips. This was the moment. This was the moment. This was the moment I’d been waiting for. I grabbed Guss’ hands.

“We’re here,” I smiled contently. My eyes sparkled with a feeling I had long forgotten. Guss’ face wore an unmistakable confusion for my behavior, but I didn’t care. I dragged him and Bowdaar off the ship in record minutes, running off into Port Nowhere. 

Time-skip forward that day, and we’re sitting at the cantina, still short three crew members, because it took THREE additional days from when we first arrived for the rest of my former crew to make it. By day four, I was slightly hungover, grumpy, restless, and near ready to give up. I actually, at that point in my Port Nowhere venture, was back on my ship, because I was sick of getting hit on by like every drunk pirate there. Bowdaar, Guss, and I agreed to take shifts within Port Nowhere, awaiting our “bounty.”

When I got Guss’ message via holocom, I was in the middle of a game of Dejarik against Bowdaar. My mind was wandering so far, I think Bowdaar was actually winning the round, but Guss’ call saved me from losing. We turned off the board, and I walked mindlessly to grab my things from my quarters. Before leaving the ship together, Bowdaar grabbed my shoulder, saying everything without speaking anything. I took in a deep breath, trying desperately to release all of my nerves. I knew he could tell I was worried. Waiting for four days made me anxious and unsure about what would happen, but his gesture eased me enough that I could feel just enough excited energy rush through my veins to get me going again. I hopped up on my toes, stretching out my muscles and fixing my moping posture. Now. Now was the moment I had been waiting for. Bowdaar and I walked with our shoulders high and our hips full of swagger. Actually, Bowdaar doesn’t really have hips, but I can definitely say we both walked with confidence. 

The cantina Guss had directed us to go to was just within our sights, and I could feel my chest tighten as if a colossal akk dog decided to rest on my chest for a bit. I caught glance of Guss and immediately found myself looking for a head full of dreads nearby. As if the universe were writing a cliché romance novel about the two of us, the man I awaited met my curious eyes. My stomach dropped so hard, I thought I was going to be space-sick, but adrenaline controlled me now. I started sprinting with just one goal in mind. He ended up sprinting too, and then, we were on the floor in each others’ arms and mindlessly sobbing our hearts out, no care for who saw us. For the first time in a near decade--it was just me and my husband. 

“Corso!” I cried, his name leaving my mouth with bittersweet desperation. “You’re here, you’re finally here.” He held me to him tighter, making me cry more. When the sobs started to dissipate into hiccuping cries, we pulled apart enough to look at each other.

He looked different—older, more mature looking. Saying time was cruel to him would be debatable. His former sweet and youthful face, the one I knew best, was buried over years and years of stress and mourning that aged him, but like a bottle of fine Corellian wine. However, his hair—his signature dreads—were gone. His hair was cut short, voluminous but short. I reached up to run my hands through his foreign hair, and he laughed.

“You changed your hair?” I inquired softly.

“Yea, you like it?” he responded awkwardly.

Instead of answering, I nodded, because I couldn’t form words. I started crying again. This time, I wasn’t crying out of relief, I was mourning all of the time I lost with Corso, mourning every missed moment and memory I lost out on. His new hair was generally unimportant, but it was just enough to remind me of the deep ache inside. The inescapable reality that I didn’t know my husband anymore.

“Cyra,” he whispered, taking my cheek in his hand. I leaned into his palm, a small, chucklish sob escaping me in the process. “I thought I lost you forever.” The tears on my face started running down faster. He wiped them away with his free hand and found an unfamiliar set of cheek scars to trace. “I can’t even fathom what you’ve been through, Captain.” As he rubbed his way to the oldest scar on my cheek, the one he remembered well, he stopped and stared intently into my eyes. I met his focus and leaned forward. 

I met his lips with a subtle shyness, unsure of how he would react. He kissed me back with muted desperation, not sure what to expect, but our shared feeling of insecurity passed quickly. A zap of lightning ran through my veins, and I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck. He brought his other hand to my other cheek, smushing my face with his coarse fingers. I could feel his wet, hot tears fall down his face, puddling with mine on our chins. Our lips spoke to each other what our souls felt, revealing our sorrow and our relief and our unfaded love for one another. When we finally pulled apart, I couldn’t help but manage a hybrid sob-chuckle. The relief rushing over me couldn’t be contained. I fell over into Corso’s neck, embracing him with what little strength I had. His arms folded around me, squeezing me gently in a way that reassured I was real.  
“Well, hello to you too, Captain,” a feminine voice above us laughed. I pulled away from Corso to find Risha smirking at my sight.

“Risha!” I laughed, pulling myself off the ground. I opened my arms for her embrace, and, for once, she took it without a second thought. “I can’t begin to explain all the drama you’ve missed out on,” I rolled my eyes in exaggeration. Risha laughed.

“We have a lot to catch up on,” she smiled. “It’s a good thing I have nowhere else to be.”

“You plan on staying?” I noted, trying to contain my relief. Corso set his hand on my shoulder. 

“Of course we’re staying, Cyra,” Corso smiled, my name leaving his lips with softness.

“Don’t forget about me too, Captain,” I heard from behind. I turned around to find Akaavi, and I broke into an immediate smile. 

“Akaavi,” I spoke out tenderly. I held out my arms for a hug, and she didn’t hesitate to come forward and meet me. “You planning on sticking around too?” I asked her, curious of what she was thinking.

“Of course, Captain, we’re family--and I don’t leave family,” Akaavi responded, her loyalty unscathed. 

At the sound of family, I spun around to meet the faces of each and every one of my companions. Despite the time we spent apart, our family felt stronger than ever, and I couldn’t help but smile through my joy-driven tears. I took Corso’s hand in mine, leaning into his shoulder for moral support.

“Well, family, then we have a lot to talk about.”


End file.
